Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas without Children but still Touched by God

I'm not sure how to title this post.

I was making an effort this holiday season to put my focus on family, friends, and the sweet children I am privileged to know. I have not allowed myself to dwell much on the fact this is another Christmas without us buying gifts for children of our own, another Christmas without us establishing traditions with our very own children. Instead I have found joy in buying for others. If I allow myself to dwell to much, it brings sorrow. And I am determined to be happy. My prayer for this week is that I will guard my mind and emotions and find peace and joy in God.

This morning I heard this song by Third day on KLOVE as I was driving to work. I was moved so deeply by these words. I missed hearing the title and the artist and I actually missed the first two lines of the song. As I continued to listen and control the lump and tears in my eyes I kept thinking this is talking and describing adoption.

I got to work early and immediately called KLOVE and got a receptionist. I was able to tell him the song played from 8:13 - 8:20 and I told him the song pertained to adoption. The sweet guy was named Stephen or Stefan and he spent a few minutes researching it and came back with the artist and title. I was so excited and pleased. I started crying on the phone and thanked him and told him how much he blessed me by finding this. I'm sure he thought I was a loon from Oklahoma.

I know all of us are busy getting ready for the holidays and reading so many blogs, but please listen to this song. It describes a waiting mother's heart so accurately.

I don't want you to misinterpret and think we have decided to adopt internationally. One reason why we are waiting to adopt is simply because we have no idea what God wants us to adopt. We have thought international, domestic, or through the state of OK. That initial decision is so hard for us. I recently thought God had placed 2 specific ladies, through blogging, to lead us toward a state adoption. Now I'm confused all over again.

I was down emotionally as the song progressed and then the last verse makes the song end amazingly. I honestly believe in my heart when we begin the official process sometime next year God has the power to speed the process along and I can shout out this last verse at Christmas in 2009.

I listened to the song twice after I found it. I am sad yet happy because God touched me so gently this morning.

Thank you to Kelly Stamps for helping me post the YouTube video.


Kelly said...

Thanks for sharing this Julie. I'm pretty sure between this song and "All I really want for Christmas is a family" by Stephen Curtis Chapman - I'm going to be filling out adoption papers myself soon.
I know what a difference a year can make and I pray that by Christmas 2009 - you and Bryan are hanging that extra stocking on your mantle!!! :-)

Mandi said...

OK...this is now my new FAVORITE Christmas song that's not a traditional Christmas song!!! I haven't heard it before now so thanks for posting about it. (:

It is so beautiful to watch you open your heart to the idea of adoption. I remember when I was in the exact place you are right now...everything uncertain but desperately desiring to follow the path God wanted us to follow.

Whether He leads you to adopt or not, I believe He has a plan to add children to your family.

Please know that I'm praying for you!

Faith said...

Wow, I'm in tears as I write this. What an amazing song and message. I too am praying for God's wisdom and direction for growing your family. I am right there with you in wanting to do His will, but not knowing quite what that is at this time.

Praying God's biggest blessings for 2009! Nothing is impossible for Him!!

Merry Christmas Julie!!

rathi said...

Tears... Wow.. Thank you!

What a sweet video with such a great song and message! Thank you for posting this! Praying for you and have a Merry Christmas!

valerie said...

My heart just breaks for you. I had tears in my eyes before I even started the video (which is amazing!).

We got the magazine Distinctly Oklahoma in the mail the other day and just this morning I was looking through it and there was a little article/advertisement
that says "where Adoption is a journey not an event"
Deaconess Pregnancy & Adoption Services.
www.deaconessadoption.org and it gave two phone numbers. (Let me know if you want them, ok?)
I have a good friend whose daughter (several years ago) got pregnant as a teen and gave her baby up for adoption and went through Deaconess. My friend said they are very professional and it was such a positive experience.
I know you and Bryan will be wonderful parents one day very soon. I am agreeing with Kelly and praying that next Dec. you will have a little one of your very own. Don't give up hope. It WILL happen in God's timing.
I love you and thank you for your prayers for K. this past week. We sure felt the peace only God can give.
Merry Christmas!

Lacy said...

I wish I wouldn't have watched this video at work. What a beautiful song. Thank you for sharing it, because I'd never heard it before. I will continue praying for you.

Linda said...

This is beautiful. I was crying as I watched it thinking of all the little ones waiting for families and for all those, wanting a child. Thanks for sharing your heart. I will pray that God will make His will in this area very clear for you and Brian.

Jenna said...

Julie, this was absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing it. Praying for you and Bryan and for a 2009 filled with joy and God's miracles for your lives. You are greatly loved!

Melissa said...

I'm just catching up with you. The song was beautiful. I love your new hair. The bangs look great on you! Hope you have a wonderful Christmas!!

petrii said...

My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry you don't have a little one to hold this CHISTmas, but I pray for you my dear one.

Merry CHRISTmas!!!!!
Love you,

Kara said...

julie thank you for posting this video. i too heard this song on KLOVE a few weeks ago while Christmas shopping and knew God was speaking to me through this song. i have such a desire to adopt children, but i am not yet married. God reminded me that as i am praying for a husband i need also to be praying for him to have a heart to adopt.
merry Christmas-

Janet said...

I'm so glad you posted this, Julie. We are in very similar circumstances at this time. Sometimes it is difficult to remain focused in a positive way, but looking back on the blessing we received 8 years ago when we adopted our daughter, I know that the wait will be worth it. It is all in God's timing, and he will lead you to YOUR baby. You are in my prayers.
We are pursuing domestic adoption in Florida and Alabama. We're hoping our baby will arrive soon!

MiMi said...

Julie, I am truly speechless after watching that video and reading your post. My heart breaks for you, but I KNOW that God has something very special in store for you and Bryan. I will be praying for you that God would reveal what direction he would like for you to take to add to your family! I can't wait until you and Faith are BOTH holding a baby (or babies) in your arms!

I am planning to keep your Christmas card on my fridge as a remember to lift you up in prayer every time I see your sweet face!

Praying for God to bless you BIG in 2009!