Christmas without Children but still Touched by God

I'm not sure how to title this post.

I was making an effort this holiday season to put my focus on family, friends, and the sweet children I am privileged to know. I have not allowed myself to dwell much on the fact this is another Christmas without us buying gifts for children of our own, another Christmas without us establishing traditions with our very own children. Instead I have found joy in buying for others. If I allow myself to dwell to much, it brings sorrow. And I am determined to be happy. My prayer for this week is that I will guard my mind and emotions and find peace and joy in God.

This morning I heard this song by Third day on KLOVE as I was driving to work. I was moved so deeply by these words. I missed hearing the title and the artist and I actually missed the first two lines of the song. As I continued to listen and control the lump and tears in my eyes I kept thinking this is talking and describing adoption.

I got to work early and immediately called KLOVE and got a receptionist. I was able to tell him the song played from 8:13 - 8:20 and I told him the song pertained to adoption. The sweet guy was named Stephen or Stefan and he spent a few minutes researching it and came back with the artist and title. I was so excited and pleased. I started crying on the phone and thanked him and told him how much he blessed me by finding this. I'm sure he thought I was a loon from Oklahoma.

I know all of us are busy getting ready for the holidays and reading so many blogs, but please listen to this song. It describes a waiting mother's heart so accurately.

I don't want you to misinterpret and think we have decided to adopt internationally. One reason why we are waiting to adopt is simply because we have no idea what God wants us to adopt. We have thought international, domestic, or through the state of OK. That initial decision is so hard for us. I recently thought God had placed 2 specific ladies, through blogging, to lead us toward a state adoption. Now I'm confused all over again.

I was down emotionally as the song progressed and then the last verse makes the song end amazingly. I honestly believe in my heart when we begin the official process sometime next year God has the power to speed the process along and I can shout out this last verse at Christmas in 2009.

I listened to the song twice after I found it. I am sad yet happy because God touched me so gently this morning.


Thank you to Kelly Stamps for helping me post the YouTube video.