Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A Hiatus for Harper

I cannot, cannot get this precious girl, her parents, and grandparents off my mind. Nor do I think I am suppose to. I believe it is the Holy Spirit urging us, causing us to sense the need for prayer for this family.
I have been on blogs, mainly Kelly's, her dad, her brother, and Laurie's, numerous times over the weekend and this week. What great praise, honor, and glory goes to our God and King, the ultimate and divine healer! I was nervous as I read updates but encouraged over the small improvements and stability God is giving Harper. Thousands and thousands are truly seeing the hand of God in this little girl and her family.

As I have read updates I have had this sense, this feeling, this conviction that the small things in my life do not really matter at all next to this journey The Stamps are on as well as some of my other friends. I feel my life is so insignificant compared to little Harper's. My life, my everyday life, and uncertainties for the future don't really matter at all to me right now. I just want her healed and at home! I want my friends to have peace of mind and the children they love and desire.

Each time I have clicked for an update it brings Harper to my mind and I say a prayer for her and her family. Bryan prayed for them Friday night as we stopped to pray as a couple and then I prayed again Friday night before I went to bed. I was so scared for Scott and Kelly. I woke up Saturday morning at 2:30 am immediately thinking of them and wondering if she had made it through the night. I prayed for them again in my living room in my pjs!! Aren't you glad we can come to God in prayer wearing anything!! Because I sure was scary looking at 3 AM! I was sick in bed Saturday and kept my laptop on right beside me and prayed throughout Saturday. We shared The Stamps and Jenna with our Sunday School class prayer requests. Prayer is so very important to me right now. I'm so grateful we have this privilege through Jesus Christ! Hallelujah!!

I have no idea how the precious family is feeling right now. I only think of my deepest pain and multiply it. I cannot imagine waiting to have a baby, that baby arrives, and then the survival of that baby was uncertain at times. I cannot imagine finally having your baby so close, yet you cannot hold her!

I feel so privilege to have met Scott and Kelly. I truly am so grateful God gave me that opportunity. Kelly is such a classy, godly, regal lady! I cannot believe she is my friend, because I'm just a plain, ordinary middle class girl from Oklahoma! I admire so much about her! I'm so glad she IS my sister in Christ!! I want so badly to see her, hug her and Scott and their families and pray with them, but my weekly schedule will not allow it. And I'm truly hoping a miracle will occur and Harper will go home before I can get up there. That would be such a great testimony of His power yet again!

Right now the only thing I can do is to PRAY!

I cannot tell you how many times throughout the day I think about blogging or I check your blogs. At times, I feel, no I know, it is too much. I feel sometimes I must be a blogging stalker. I don't have a good balance. I have allowed it to consume to much of my thoughts and time. After last week, I felt a heaviness and somewhat of a conviction over this. I have to confess I have often blogged more than reading God's word, if I even make time for God's word.

I believe the Holy Spirit has placed it upon me to take a hiatus from blogging (at least from posting and commenting everyday) for a week or two. I am very very nervous about this. My flesh tells me I could very well loose the small network and friends I have made through blogging. If I don't comment or post, you may loose interest in me or think "she doesn't comment on my blog, I'm not looking at hers." Or you just may forget me. But I know these are thoughts from satan and a struggle of my flesh and insecurities that I have.

I feel the Holy Spirit is guiding me to use this Hiatus for multiple reasons:

(1) Each time I think about blogging I will pray for Harper Brown Stamps and her family. I'm praying for healing as everyone else is, ease of pain, and rest for her parents and grandparents. I'm going to praise God for making His presence so known in this time.

(2) Each time I think about blogging I will pray for Baby D, my sweet friend Mandi's son whom they hope to adopt very very soon. Mandi is facing some difficult tasks before her. I'm praying for peace of mind for her and her sweet family.

(3) Each time I think about blogging I will pray for Brayden.

This is Jenna's sweet beautiful baby boy who was born about a week ago and had to be flown to ACH. He is slowly recovering as well. I have not "met" her yet through blogging but I don't have to know her to pray for her and her baby. I'm praying for healing and physical strength. I'm praying for encouragement and peace as well. Brayden is slowly making progress. And again, God is making Himself known in a BIG way!

(4) Spend the 30 minutes - 1.5 hour I would use to post or comment on blogs in Bible Study instead. The women in our church just started this study.
I am the facilitator of the Monday Night Group. I must devote a lot of time to this so I can prepare and minister to the group of women I have.

(5) Bryan and I are approaching both anniversaries of my ectopic pregnancies; 2/1/07 and 2/25/08. I know I must be covered with God's word at this time and I want to have sweet fellowship with Him in prayer. I want to take this time to reflect on the journey Bryan and I are on. I need God right now.

(6) Be a wife to Bryan!!! He has his very last semester (Glory!! Hallelujah!) and I want our home to be a place of relaxation for him.

I started my blog just before my 2008 ectopic surgery. Blogging has been so fun, encouraging, and amazing to me. I truly love it. It is so neat to meet such wonderful women on here. You were all so kind to me during that time and you still are. You prayed for me and I'm so blessed because you did! I'm amazed people like me, I truly am. I feel so ordinary and you are all so fascinating!

I plan to come back, I really do. I'm stepping out on this conviction and I hope you understand. I've got to get back into some strong consistent prayer. I will be checking in on you. I still want to know you and I still want to be your blog friend, I really do. I just may not comment as much or post for a few weeks.
I hope you understand! In the words of the Terminator:


Melissa said...

Julie I will miss your blog while you are gone, but completely understand! You are so not ordinary!!! You are an amazing woman of God! Don't forget that :)

Laura said...

Oh, Julie! I am going to miss you so much!! But I understand. February is not a good month for me, either. February would have been the month my child would have been born if I had not had an ectopic pregnancy. I'll be praying for you!

Candy said...

You are such a sweetheart!!! I will never forget about you even if you never visit my blog again or comment again! I too have had Kelly and her family on my mind and in my prayers so much and I have never met her in person. I've been reading her blog for some long that I feel like I know her, same with how I feel about you. I guess I've been reading your blog for almost a year now, wow! I'm also praying for Jenna's baby as well and I have such a heavy heart for both of those families! I just can't imagine! You will be missed, but take your break and ENJOY it! I'm still praying for you and Bryan every morning. I'm praying for God to guide you through the adoption process and for him to continue to put people in your path to be an encouragement and support system for you! Sorry this is so long!

The Hickman's said...

I have been praying for Harper since she was born! We will miss you- I can't wait to see the blessings that God is going to bestow upon you for obeying His voice...

Faith said...

I'm still constantly praying for sweet little Harper and the other little ones who are in the NICU right now as well.

Julie, your heart is so sweet and tender for other people and for the Lord. You are such a blessing in my life and I am so thankful to have met you through blogging. I can certainly understand the need for a break, and don't you worry, we will be right here when you come back. You could not be forgotten!

Mandi said...

I wish I could reach through the screen of this laptop and give you a BIG hug!

I am so proud of the decision you are making to follow God in obedience.

Thank you for your prayers, thank you for your friendship, and thank you for being so transparent with us.

It saddens me that February is filled with unpleasant memories for you. I will be praying that God would heal your broken heart. To quote Beth Moore from the Esther study on Week 2, Day 5 "God is right here and He is here right."

Betsy said...

Julie, you are so sweet and so in tune with what God is calling you to do. And, please don't worry. I will be checking in and I will never lose interest just because you are trying to follow the Holy Spirit's lead!! I admire your humble heart.

I am so with you on just having a heavy burden for little Harper. I am praying for healing very soon, too!

Lots of love and hugs!!

valerie said...

You are a beautiful & classy woman yourself! You are genuine. The first time Kristen & I were blessed to meet you for lunch, we felt so comfortable, like we'd known you forever.
I feel the same way about Kelly, Scott & Harper. Even though I didn't comment often on Kelly's blog, I've read her blog for the past year. It's been fun to see her so excited these past months preparing for motherhood. I checked a couple of times on Fri. after she was at the hospital and couldn't believe it when I checked Fri. night and read the news about Harper. I woke up in the middle of the night and prayed. She was on my mind the first thing I woke up.
They are a very special family.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Love you Julie!

Anonymous said...

This is my first time here, but I had to say what a sweet hearted post. I have been praying like crazy for Harper as well.

Heather said...

I totally understand and will miss you, but will be praying for you now as much as ever! Thank you for being such an encouragement to me and so many others!

Leigh Ann said...

I have felt the same way, Julie. I have not wanted to blog since all of this transpired with Harper. My heart has been so sad. I will miss you and believe me I understand exactly how you are feeling. Love to you and Bryan!

Jenna said...

Julie, I am late on commenting to this post, but I love you!!! I will miss you and we will all be here when you get back. You are an amazing, woman my friend! Praying for you!

Jessica said...

What a great post!

Megan L Hutchings said...

I will miss you so much during your break, but I respect you 100% for doing what you feel God is telling you to do. When I blog and see your name on my roll, I too will stop and say a prayer in your name sweet friend.

Please do not ever think you are just plain. None of us are b/c we are all His children. You shine in your own way friend!!!

valerie said...

Hello Julie!
I've been missing you. I've been checking your blog regularly to see if you were back. You're so sweet to think of Kris and me. We love you right back and pray for you often.
This is great news for little Harper. I was so thrilled to see Kelly & Scott actually getting to hold her.
God is good!
How is little Brayden?
I'm so glad you got your ticket for Deeper Still. I've been to so many Living Proof conferences, but never a Deeper Still event. I can't wait.
Take care!
Love ya,

petrii said...

Girl I will miss you, but I will so be praying for you as well. You take the time you need and I'll be reading when you get back.

I Love you sweet friend,